Bouncy balls: $1. Matchbox cars: $2. Jordan Almonds: priceless.

I remembered today at 3:25pm that Spencer had been invited to his friend Noah’s birthday party at 4pm. Since we had no present, and since the closest store to me is an Albertsons, that’s where we headed. I usually try not to shop for birthday presents at the grocery store, because grocery store presents always have a very “I-picked-this-up-on-the-way-over” quality to them. (Rightfully so, apparently.) But, because Noah was turning four, I figured anything that bounced, rolled, growled or oozed would be an appropriate choice. The Albertson’s toy aisle carries many such items. Spencer quickly found a small bag of balls that was $1, so I looked for something additional. We settled on a box of 8 matchbox cars that was $2. I said, “Why don’t we get him a candy too?” (Candy aisle = toy aisle; grocery marketers = not dumb.) I looked for a bag of M&M’s, but Spencer saw the bulk candy bins and decided they looked better. He came up to me with a small fist of candy and said, “Here’s some!”

I said, “No, not that kind. Let’s get him something that’s already in a bag, like M&M’s!”
He looked at the candy in his hand and then at the big bag of M&M’s. “Ok,” he said and headed over to put his candy back in the bin.
“No, wait! That candy has been in your hand. Don’t put it back in there.” I said. Then I looked closer at the contents of his hand. “Are those Jordan Almonds?” I asked.
He just looked at me, then slowly said, “No, they’re candy.”
I sighed, “Here, you hold the cars. Give me the candy, I will take care of it.” He handed me the almonds. I looked over at the bin. I looked down the aisle. I looked up the aisle. I looked at the five colorful nuggets of goodness in my hand. Then I ate them all.

Well, I couldn’t put them back, could I?

And what’s the difference between eating them and throwing them away?

And, anyway, I’m nine-months pregnant, so go ahead and razz me about five Jordan Almonds.

We finished our toy tour, and ultimately, our gift did indeed have a very grocery store quality to it. But I’m sure Noah didn’t care. And I know Spencer didn’t care. And, after a few Jordan Almonds, I didn’t care about anything. I even smiled at the lady at the flower counter on the way out. (Although she looked at me suspiciously…)