So, what’s the difference between a positive reward and a bribe? As a parent I am trying to determine the distinction because apparently one will reinforce my children and the other will ruin them. I noticed this morning after the kids left for school that the basement (their domain) needed a bit of TLC. Actually, it needed a lot of TLC. Because the nature of gravity vs. pregnancy is such that I no longer bend over to pick things up, I just left everything on the floor where it was and waited until the kids got home from school. When they arrived I greeted them warmly, told them I loved them and that they were free to play when the basement was clean. You wouldn’t believe the indignation that inspired.
“What? It’s not my stuff! It’s
“NO IT’S NOT!”
“Yes, you and your friends got out all the dolls.”
“Well Spencer got out all the Little People. I’m not cleaning any of those up.”
“Spencer never helps.”
“Neither do you.”
“Yes I do! My room is cleaner than yours!”
“That’s because all your stuff is out here!”
“That’s enough. All of you go and don’t come up until it’s clean.” I said. They stomped away. I lumbered upstairs. A few minutes later I received notice that half of the family wasn’t helping. A few minutes after that the other half reported that the first half was being rude. Then Spencer appeared holding his Nanie and looking for crackers. I knew there had not been sufficient time for any substantial progress to have been made, so I took him back downstairs where I found Carter and Chelsea sitting defiantly at odds in a still-dirty basement. I pondered. Then I bribed.
“Ok, here’s the deal. When the basement is clean, you can each have your own can of rootbeer.”
“What? Our own can?”
“Yes, but it has to be clean and you have to work together and be nice.”
“OK!”
Everyone hopped up and cleaned. In 10 minutes it passed inspection and rootbeers were distributed to all.
Now, although this would seem like a successful resolution, (a win-win perhaps? Or maybe even a win-win-win?) I still don’t know if this constitutes bribery or positive reinforcement. The thing is, most of us work for rewards: paychecks, compliments, good grades, eternal life, etc. What’s the harm in a little can of rootbeer? I’m sure Dr. Spock could tell me, but at this point the basement is clean, my kids are happy, and I was able to avoid any unnecessary interaction with gravity. For me, that’s success.
4 comments:
That is definitely success. In fact, it's genius. Excuse me while I run to the store for some rootbeer.
I'm just glad the basement is clean.
Regardless of what you call it, your mothering inspires me. Not to mention your avoidence of gravity, which seems to be more of a menacy to me everyday these days!
The LDS parenting class, that I have never taken but have heard about, apparently defines bribery as rewarding the good act with no consequence for not performing the good act other than loss of the reward. They, or Tim (the guy who runs the class in our stake) suggests that there must be both a reward and a consequence of equal weight. For example: clean basement= I'll give you a $1 which will enable you to buy a rootbeer from the fridge, but no clean basemet=kid owes $1 to parents. This has always proved like too much work for me so I just bribe...but apparently positive reinforcement is better. I'm just going for "good enough" or "not overly damaging"
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